1 week ago
Friday, February 05, 2010
Going through days when everything 'wrong' becomes 'right', and all the 'rights' become 'left'. 'Left' at some bay where I can't really reach.
I am fighting my disappointments in life. I am fighting the power which is making me cry. I am trying to justify the wrong decisions I made not knowing why I made them. I am sorry to have trusted the wrong people at the wrong times. I am sorry that I am what I am. I am sorry to have been so foolish, naive and stupid. Its all because I put my faith in people who had no good in mind for me. I repent for not being strong enough, not being smart enough to see this was coming. I should have been more selfish, more self centred, more independent, more stronger, more smarter but I was not and that is why I am here 'Sorry' about everything. I am sorry about my wrong judgement.
I wish I could scream my heart out. I wish I could cry it out at a stretch and get over with it. I am tired of this episodes of isolation, self denial, self crtiticism.
Yes, I admit I made a mistake of trusting the people in my life. I made a mistake not thinking of my own happiness. Its my fault I put others before me but whom I put before me put me as far as away from them and their decisions. Today I stand rejected, defeated and alone facing all this which happened because of my wrong judgement.
I don't know whom to trust and whom not to. I am blank. I feel like crying my heart out. I feel like letting it all go. My heart feels heavy with sadness and disappoinment. Where do i go from here? Where is my way out of all this? I need a way out before I break down completely. I need some peace badly.
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