2 days ago
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Life is so much beyond any logic existing in this Universe. I am totally confused, angry, frustrated and sad that life has to give me such a picture. Does this thought occur to everyone also? Why does life always propose the most illogical solutions? the most stupid ways to reach them? and then the most weird results !! That's the worst of all.. The weird results part ..OMG !!
I sure am crazy, but I cant really help it. With the things going around me, any sensible person would go mad and end up in an asylum. Let me dedicate all this to the various specimen clowns in my Life. I don't understand where the principle of 'Live and Let Live' vanished from these clowns heads. I don't understand where all this mundane competition will take them to. All all along, they don't realise that moments, precious and valuable is just slipping away. Life is short, and shorter are the times of togetherness. And all the time of togetherness is just so precious, I could give away anything to relive them..but then, how will I get this into their heads.
Am lost, scared, lonely, sick and tired of all this happenings. Is there a escape route available? Oh I would give away a fortune to anyone who could show me a way out! I understand the fact that Life is not a bed of roses to anyone but then it cannot be that there are only thorns everywhere. Am tired, so very anxious, and exhausted yet feel to helpless to improve my own life. I can, but that would make me selfish, and self centered.. which is not what I am and what I can bring myself to be. How I wish i could be different and for once in my life think 'Just for Myself', understand that I am also someone who needs a break, deserves to feel and live to enjoy all the better half of things which others get to get by choice or fate. I wish I had the power to make a choice and move on !! Wishes wishes.. so many... where is the way out? Searching...lost all along... need a pathfinder guide... Oh Super Powers !! Help !!!
:-(((
A little girl, filled with fear,
A little noise, what's she hear?
A little more, of confusing for her,
A little life, with a big blur.
A little lost, on her way here,
A little sad, no life is more unclear.
A little worried, her hands shaking cold,
A little lonely, why is no one her's to hold?
A little helpless, trying to ask for some advice,
A little change, like a 6 numbered dice.
A little different, someone for them to stare.
A little scared, no ones there to care.
A little light, to turn her around,
A little heart, she's been found.
A little casket, that's so cold and gray,
A little girl, this is where she lay.
A little body, so small it'll stay,
A little gone, she'll always lay.
A little lesson, to them it means so great,
A little girl gone, now it's to late.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Last night, chatting with a friend, I was just wondering why is that I didn't really experiment with the various options life proposed to me? Why is that I never took up the challenge and see if the results would be good. This thought was disturbing me throughout and then I just had to push it away with a simple answer - 'I wanted to feel the belonging'. Now, is this a honest answer? I really don't think so!. Do we actually belong anywhere?, to anyone? I think its a complete illusion that belonging to someone, some place brings us some sort of happiness.
I am trying to construct a perfect home, decorate it, paint it, make it a home rather than a house, have a comfortable job, a cozy living, settle and retire at an appropriate age to enjoy the life as it comes, yeah forgot to mention, marry the perfect person coming across in the entire journey. But having all this, have I attained a sense of belonging? I think we always long for something more than we actually have in hand. And that's why the rat race keeps going on and like it or not, we run along, in an attempt to win, if not win at least not to lose or to be left behind.
There are times when suddenly you feel so different.. different things happening around you, expected and unexpected and yet we just get to learn how to be happy about all that. And when the things that comes your way are those we have been waiting for, which makes us smile, that's when we call it 'happiness'. One such phase of my life is what I am going through. I am on a pursuit, a pursuit to find happiness, a pursuit to find the belonging I am longing for. I don't know how far in the journey I am, but at least I am on my way to the destination. Along this journey, I am still discovering the real me, discovering myself.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Warning: To those who are going to read this post. Its going to utterly stupid and vague as a dream :))
By the way, Thanks to the 'Super Powers', yesterday's gloomy mood did pass away and if not back to normal at least am on the journey back to being my normal self. Good news is not far.. :) Thanks to the friends who unknowingly did make me feel better. I miss my good old days. This is the first time in my life that I miss my past days. I never had this way about myself to look back and feel good about the past but then this is truly a new experience. How I wish I get back my good old days..being carefree, jumping around, spreading the smiles. I was known for being a happy go lucky type of a person and I cherish being that. How I wish I could be that same old self again! I am tired and angry and upset but yes..thinking of my old self makes me smile. Am glad it does. :)
I have been wondering how 'perfectly imperfect' are the things and people around me. What we want, we never get. What we get, we don't want to value. What we value, is with someone who doesn't need it. and those who need it, is us. There lies the fact that, what we have is of value to someone else, needed by someone else and not what we really want. Yet life goes on and we go along with it. Do we have a choice?? Imagine if we did have a choice to change the default ones gifted to us by the super powers.. Wow!! now that's a good theme to think on and worth writing another post. So, to my valuable readers, another warning that another thoroughly stupid post is coming your way. Ha ha ha.. I hope I don't get beaten up..
So, I was talking about the list of "imperfectly perfect" things we have been gifted with. Right! So, if given a choice, what is that I want to change among the so called 'imperfect' things I have been gifted with. Well, there is a list... Do I need to mention all of them. To name a few, I want to change who I am. I don't want to be this sweet girl who cant see others in trouble, cant see or bear pain. I want to be stronger, more practical and start thinking with my head rather than the heart. I want to punish those who annoy/hurt/cheat and take me for granted. I want to stop being emotional and valuing the importance of everything in and around me. Finally, not reached the end of the list, but thinking otherwise to summarise - I want to be a 'Perfectly Perfect Person'. Tough Na?? ... Wish I could make this transformation easily !!. How truly I wish I could ..
Stopping this utterly stupid, useless thought.. Thanks to anyone who reached here to the end of this. I appreciate your patience to read this. Do drop a comment for me.. a comment :). Don't bash me up with words. :))
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Today, Words aren't flowing. Have been anxious the whole night.. have not slept well either. Some sort of sadness has engulfed me. Not able to point what exactly is that which is disturbing me.. Will try to continue a little later.. For now, with the hope that,........
' This too shall pass.... '...... hoping for it badly.. I hate myself in this sad mood... spoils a lot of fun.. Will try to smile.. Help me super powers to get over this.. please...
" In the middle of the turbulence surrounding you,
These trying times that are so hard to endure.
In the middle of what seems to be your darkest hour,
Hold fast your heart and be assured.
This too shall pass...
Like every night that's come before it,
He'll never give you more than you can bear.
This too shall pass..
So in this thought be comforted,
It's in His Hands...This too shall pass.
The Father knows the tears you cry before they fall,
He feels your pain, His heart and yours are one.
The Father knows that sorrow's heavy chains are strong,
But with His strength, you'll overcome.
So set your eyes upon the mountain,
And lift your hands up to the sky,
And let His arms of love surround you,
And take you to the other side.... "
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Past - Perfect, Present - Uncertain, Future - Mystery...
0 comments Posted by Anonymous at 3:57:00 PM
Doesn't the words on the topic ring any bells for each one of us? Am sure it does.
No matter how the 'past' days or years or time went by I guess each one of learns to laugh at them and say it was perfect when it was happening. Isn't it.. but do we have a choice but to say and accept it that way - "PAST - PERFECT" !!! Thinking oh how my past went by, I seriously don't know under which bracket to put it in..perfect or imperfect. Not getting into the details here..Saving it for another post and also realising that there is no point crying over whats gone by...it was never mine..so it had to pass and become what is called 'past' :))
Coming to the Present which like many say must be treated like 'a present'. I seriously doubt if it can be treated like that. There is a irony hidden there, like a surprise present the present is definitely as surprising and as uncertain as it can be. Now, how is 'my present'? Well well, I definitely do have something to smile about deep inside ;) and things around me which are not by choice but by fate.. Am I sounding like I am complaining? Yeah may be... it could have been better I must agree but then we cant be much choosy.. again..did I have a choice here?? :)
Coming to the Mystery part of it..yeah the Future.. Now what does my future hold for me! Let me count the options I have got ya... 1,2,3,.... hey I have up to infinity options... yet all of them are a mystery .. I think there is something wrong with me now... It could be that these thoughts are inherent and never brought out before, or it could be a completely new feeling, but it exists, and there is no better way for it to manifest itself than infinite imaginations and theories built on them...
Enough of rambling, let's me go on with life shall I ? ?... Lol...I sure am crazy enough to pen down these stop laughing whoever is reading please ... :))))
D best & most beautiful things in d world can't b seen or touched, they must b felt wit d heart...
0 comments Posted by Anonymous at 9:56:00 AM
How true is the thought that the most beautiful things in this world needs to be felt and cannot be seen or touched. Love to me is like a beautiful flower with a fragrance capable enough to create a mood to fill the heart with a special tune ...La la la la la la... ;)
It's the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting and before a dream is realized, I wonder how many different leaps and strides does the heart take...Amazing to understand that Human Mind can be so imaginative.
Think I am being a bit poetic here but I really don't mind b'cos here today I want to be a little elusive about thoughts and the very theme of the tune ringing in my heart ;)
Sitting alone last night, in my own corner of the world, I could see the moonlight flashing through the window on to the ceiling dancing to the wind, I was just thinking of how I could be imagining so many different things and yet being happy of all the routes my imagination was taking. Guess it was the moonlight which was making this effect on my mood. So last night I just allowed myself to simply dream and this morning I smile at myself and wake up to reality.
There is something I am yearning for, what I am not sure of. May be I know but the scare to be judged and the pain it would bring, makes me hold back a little. Will I be able to hold myself? " Its a crazy world, spinning its merry way and making us spin in our own merry way. And there lies the irony, that we have no other world to go and this is the only one we have. " - someone told me that. Thanks to that thought..its there in my heart forever
Today's post has been very dreamy and vague, I know but then I have no intention to come out of this dream space.. I am happy and content here... Happily dancing away my blues... la la la la la..
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Never did I know that blogging will be so much fun.. Its so nice to just pen down the flows of my thoughts.. And there is someone whom I owe this too !! Not drifting away from the title of this particular chapter.. Am a 'Happy Girl'..
Found a beautiful saying while google-ing :).
" In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love.... "
To speak about each of that, secrets I do have... Regrets many and many, Dreams - unfulfilled and yet to achieve and last but not the one with least importance - Love , Don't we all have that - an unforgettable love.. ?
I happened to talk to someone on their regrets and just realised, am not alone in the boat.. and not being a sadist but then in some way it does give me some soothing feeling that its not only me who has regrets..others also do..
So, where was I? Yeah.. am a happy Girl.. ;).. truly a happy girl.. Crossed fingers.. I know nothing in this world is permanent but this is something I don't want to even imagine changing. Something dear, just crossed my way and holding on to it as a little girl holding on to her favorite toy or doll.. I love my new companion though... actually 'Loving it So... so... much'..
So till the next post.. Hope to fly around in the cloud I am in :))
Hello My dear Blog...
Am a Happy 'Girl' today..yes am a girl and not a woman. I just realised how deep the effect of dream can be on my mood. Yeah, I am happy. I have loads of work but then I know I can reach the goals on time and yet be happy...b'cos I have been building my own very dream world in my dreams. Right now a thought crossed my head, why is the reality never as beautiful as the dreams? Does someone have the answer to this? I think every single living being must be dreaming and yet getting this question at least once in a lifetime.. Think it is God's special way to let us be happy for all the ambitions, thoughts, things and feelings, at least during the time we close our eyes to sleep. Right now all I want to do is to close my eyes and dream the little dream which is into my head and heart ;). How i wish it comes true...
Will be Contd.... :)
Monday, May 25, 2009
Hey Hieee My dear blog..
Its been a 'Happy Weekend'. Nothing much happening but then yeah took some good rest and did a little shopping for my little angel... She is all in jingles and dingles with her new anklet.. Just waiting to hear her run around the house making all that noise and laughing... she seems to be a bit uncomfortable with her new piece but yet she loves the noise.. me happy since she is happy ! :))
And, not to mention, I had a dreamy weekend.. dreaming of a chat with a friend and looking forward to make it all real.. well well.. that's what my head was filled with. Guess that's one reason why I didn't want to think of all the other depressing things and make myself go in that gloomy mood of mine..I hate myself in that awful mood when life seems to be a war and some sort of wicked game where I still have not learned the rules to start... well well..lets not get into that b'cos right now I don't wanna spoil my day :)).
Here starts the week, I have a birthday party to go for today with my darling angel.. its her first birthday party where she has been invited... so I think am more excited than she is. I have lots to complete at work before the day ends... yet I feel I can reach the milestones today.. and yeah..last week onwards I started fasting on Mondays, so that makes me fast today too.. Nothing much in mind when I started fasting but yeah.. hope God knows the many things I want and over that I believe he knows the many things I deserve. I prefer to get the latter as My lord has never put me to shame. If he has got me this far..he would take me further safe and content.
Stopping here... hey no not a full stop but a semicolon till I find something else to write about.. have a lovely day...wishing this to all my loved ones and yeah to myself too :)) See ya then...
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Guess ...finally I made it to my very own Blog.. :)) I must treat myself for this attempt which I have been putting off for quite sometime now.. well pat pat pat.. Am here.. " All is well that ends well :)) "
Starting on a positive note.. This writings of mine will be on my daily moods, thoughts which flows till infinity and has no limits.. Well I must say I do have a very imaginative head.. ;)
So here I go, starting with today... Hope to be regular here.. I seriously do hope...
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