1 week ago
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Dear dearest Blog,
Have been away for a while. But let me tell you that I missed writing and blabbering and pouring. Was busy with other things and also in a way was trying to gather myself and the meaning of my life. Finding answers to questions of life. Trying to make some sense out of my life as a mother, a wife, a daughter and all the other named relationships I can fall into. Anyways, I have not concluded but just taken a break for a while. So we continue this later.
For now, am back, and I promise to be regular here. :). I know there is power in each one of us but sometimes it becomes so difficult for us to exercise these inborn powers and strengths on people who mean so much to us or towards people whom we think are some important ones. But then, I think each of us must learn to develop the gifted powers within us and actually develop the courage to 'move on'. There is nothing permanent in this life. Everything, I mean every damn thing in our lives comes to an END. What differs is the way they come to an end. Some die a slow death. Some end with a loud loud noise. Some just fade away. Some stay and stick around till we actually stop noticing. There must be definitely more ways. Now what is common in all the 'ENDS' is that, they all hurt a lot. The hurt doesn't reduce or increase in the way things end. There is a sort of funny silence in me, within me and around me. And I know lots of things around are coming to an END. I am not happy about them but then I have no power to control their existence. But I think I must develop the power, like I said, the power within me to accept them and MOVE ON. Its going to be tough but then I have to.. I have not been given an alternate choice.
Stopping right here. Need to End this blabbering also. Is all this happening worth cribbing about? What is worth? what is worthless... How does one decide... I have no answers....
Thursday, July 16, 2009
There is something bothering me, worrying me and eating me up but I am yet to share it with anyone. Cant bring myself to tell anyone what it is. The reason is simple..I am doing a reverse thinking. Thinking in reverse of the consequences of what the other person or people will react when they know and then more important how will I be able to stand those reactions.. I am not sure.. :(Looks like I am just scared.. I don't want to think of what lies ahead. Just hope this gets over. Its actually not my type to to be like this. I don't think before I speak my heart. But this is the first occasion in my memory where I am doing this so called reverse thinking. All because I can't or wont get the true reaction when I speak it out. Confusing, I know.. but I cant help blabbering. Sorry ! :((
"...But......
Rejection is part of life
I thought I was ready to confess but I was not
I told you that I got something to tell
When I tried to confess
My heart just drop stop
If I keep going on like this
I would be in a mess
And for sure, I wouldn't want to confess."
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
What does one do when life starts to jump from bad thing to the worse of things..Does one just sit back, be quite and watch the cruelties of life come into form as days go by..or Does one attempt to still make some change hoping for a solution and hoping there is a difference in the way things are and will turn out to be?? I want to do the latter but stuck with the former choice!! The Dreams in me are stifled..suffocated.. and dead I think. They want to jump out and be a reality now...This is been there for a while but only if my destiny gave them a chance...I wish my destiny, fate was kind to me. I just want to kill them all one by one..may be that'll make my life a lot easier for me !!!! And at least the way it drags each day will end there...
Just when things start to appear simpler or say when it feels that they are in control...it gets beyond me!! I thought I was moving towards my dreams, if not completely but at least partially..step by step..slowly and gradually..Am ok to make compromises but then, it all goes away, I am again defeated, defeated by my own very fate and destiny. Am hunting desperately for a strand of hope..a fragment of faith somewhere in my heart and soul that can get myself back to life..the life that I wish to live....the love that I long for...the smiles I wish to embrace.... And things that would complete me...
I SEE ONLY ME IN THE STREET OF EMPTINESS
Is it the nature of man?
To see no one else to understand
Is it the nature of me?
To see only me in the street, so lonely, so empty
The shadows of my existence,
resonate indomitable questions,
Where has everyone been?
I can’t see and I can’t feel,
oh, it makes me so keen
The moon’s glowing and the street’s bright,
still I’m in the dark and it doesn’t feel right,
my hands reach nothing,
the horror strikes me,
I never stop calling
What I should do doesn’t come to show,
there’re so many things I wish to know,
Why am I left alone?
Will this street find me when I’m all gone?
I prefer my thoughts unstructured,
Like my sentences unfinished.
I love my emotions so baseless
Adore my existence so unfulfilled.
I want only questions and no answers..
Dreams as they are...and no desires.
Am used to my spaces so vacant
and my reflection so ordinary.
Each day waking up without a purpose,
Habituated to the lonely evenings
And the nights so restless.
Let the prayers be unanswered,
And the wishes uncared for…
And I accept my love unreciprocated…
Thursday, July 02, 2009
My Brightest Star
God made a Sun and a Moon, grew up watching them in the Sky..
Now I got them in my life.
Sun so warm and bright,moon so mystical in the night.
The Sun illuminates my life with love happiness and smiles.
He's my ray of hope when life put me through dark tunnels
The Sun illuminates my life with love happiness and smiles.
He's my ray of hope when life put me through dark tunnels
and has showed me how to make rainbow after a storm of tears..
I've tried to escape your warmth but somehow I come back again
I've tried to escape your warmth but somehow I come back again
coz' life is impossible without YOU.
Talking about the moon, everyone wants him..
Calm. Handsome. Hypnotic and So Mysterious.
The more I try to get closer, the farther it goes and sometimes disappear..
leaving me yearning for his glimpse again..
And when I'm all alone wishing upon the Stars..
And when I'm all alone wishing upon the Stars..
the Sun Returns to cheer me up and reveal the brighter part..
He fill me up with joys of the World..
The Sun becomes my reason to get through the lonely nights
For I believe he'll always be there with me ..
We walk on different Paths, But remain together forever..
Just like the world can do without Moon for a few nights
Just like the world can do without Moon for a few nights
But not without the Sun for a single day.
Like that I can bear the pain of a moonless night
Only to wait for you to come and take away the gloom at Dawn Break.
Many clouds may come and thunders may roar
Many clouds may come and thunders may roar
but they are not mighty enough to keep us apart,
because my love for you is Immeasurable
You complete Me, You make My World. I am 'Me' Cos you made me 'Me'.
You complete Me, You make My World. I am 'Me' Cos you made me 'Me'.
Happy Birthday Diya.. My darling, my light, my love and life.. Mummy's girl... Keep Smiling, Its your smile that keeps me going. Love you my baby girl...
Wednesday, July 01, 2009
'Love', a word that has a meaning yet whose exact definition wouldn't be found in the Oxford dictionary.In fact, we can never define it..Is there anyone who can put in words what exactly does this magical word mean. Its something that we feel, we believe in, we carry within ourselves with no reason, no purpose, no weight or even something which has no measure. 'We' here is each one of us, we have our own ways, words, and even meaning to it yet this 4 letter word is still a mystery and also so important in this big big world. Its makes people do crazy things, take different roles, do different things and yet no one can define this. Silly isn't it? Deep in our heart we all have this feeling, a feeling every living being cherishes. Its a light, for the ones going through dark tunnels of life, a knock on the door for the departed lovers, a wish come true for the lonesome souls..Everyone has a different meaning for "Love".
For me, love is the care people show me when I am sick n the "Miss You's" of my close friends..what's special about it is, that I can be my true skin in front of the people who love me ..No matter how Insane, Crazy, wild or even stupid..they must or will ideally love me for who I am(I believe they do), and even if they'd ever want me to change, it'd be for a better reason(though I don't want anyone to change). They are the ones who are ALWAYS there to wipe off my tears which I'd cry for not "Finding Love". And lately I realised how stupid I am and was all along, for love is not 'Found', its something that comes to us unexpectedly without even knock :). We don't even realise when love makes a silent entry in our lives, but the irony is when it exits, it makes noises.. in all forms. Noise of a heart breaking, shrieks and cries made in pain..Some show it so that others would know, others cant show or express. Here again there's a different kind of love too, love which makes a 'Special' person our whole 'World' ! If we don't receive Love from that person, we feel empty, lonely, and depressed.. Love can create or Destroy some one's life .. It is so powerful that if not received, a person can become absolutely dead.. Its the Most Intricate word .. Love, so plain yet so abstract.
Quoting something I once read somewhere...
"It's the state of bliss you think you're dreaming
It's the happiness inside that you're feeling
It's so beautiful it makes you wanna cry"
Funny Na, something which can make you happy and also make you cry for the happiness we find in it !!
SOMETIMES It hurts.. But there is no way you can't be hurt...
When you do so much for people and then they do not recognize it..
It hurts when you help them without anything in return but they do not even care to help you when you are in dire need..
It hurts when you care for someone so much that you forget to care about yourself …
It hurts when that person in return does not even care to see if you are dead or alive….
It hurts so much when your friend you love so deeply does not even look at you when you are having a bad time…
It hurts when you pray for a person and he/she does not even wish good for you.. I know when a person helps anyone he/she should not expect anything in return..
But it really hurts when that person does not even have the time for you when you spend most of your time thinking good about that person..
And then you feel 'I will never do this for any person ever in my life…..' And 'I will never love or care about any person so much in my life that you get to see such a day again……!!' But then, Life goes on and we learn to take just 'one more' time every time we get hurt.. Right !
It hurts when you help them without anything in return but they do not even care to help you when you are in dire need..
It hurts when you care for someone so much that you forget to care about yourself …
It hurts when that person in return does not even care to see if you are dead or alive….
It hurts so much when your friend you love so deeply does not even look at you when you are having a bad time…
It hurts when you pray for a person and he/she does not even wish good for you.. I know when a person helps anyone he/she should not expect anything in return..
But it really hurts when that person does not even have the time for you when you spend most of your time thinking good about that person..
And then you feel 'I will never do this for any person ever in my life…..' And 'I will never love or care about any person so much in my life that you get to see such a day again……!!' But then, Life goes on and we learn to take just 'one more' time every time we get hurt.. Right !
;;
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