1 week ago
Monday, June 29, 2009
Along the journey of life, I have learned to just accept the things that are given to me and not question things too much. There is no one to answer or help you find the answers. To be even more specific, we all make mistakes to learn from them. At least we can say that and be happy that mistakes are not only mistakes but also experience. Frankly speaking we really can't depend on anyone else but our self when it comes to really be helpful. In short, in the end all we really have is our self. And through all this experience and mistakes we learn that whatever doesn't kill us only makes us stronger for more experience :)
Contradictory to the above para that we rule our actions, I also do believe in angels. I believe god send them to us, when we truly need them the most just to remind us, that we can still go on and that its not the end to the path. There are times the road you’re walking seems all through an uphill journey, when things only go wrong and you are just dying to smile but all you can do is sigh. And there are those moments when you think things cannot get worse, someone would come around out of nowhere and bright up your world! Isn't that amazing and so touching? People who can really look back and realize what I'm saying will know exactly what I am feeling and talking about. Every single time, when you're on the verge of giving up, there is always someone there for you who shows you the way, who helps you to survive! So, whatever is the struggle, no matter what the situation, just stick to the fight when you think you’re hardest hit and look for the signs. Some good Angel, some God send person, Somebody special is going to reach out for you!
Thanks to the Angels, who cheered me up, helped me through the difficult times. I am not only saying Thank You! but also asking you all to be there forever. :)
Friday, June 26, 2009
Many of us keep trying to find the real meaning of our lives, in an hundred different ways.Most often we give up, and say, "There is no answer, there is no meaning."But for our lives to have meaning and purpose, we ourselves must find answers. This task is not easy but we have to sit at it at some point in our lives. The only freedom we have is to choose when we do this analysis and come to conclusions.A solution is needed that can answer each of our problems, Something that really works. Isn't it this that each of us really want and dream of in a perfect way?
Now, listing down my so called 'BIG' Needs:
I need something that helps me handle my life better everyday. A golden rule, a secret punch line, anything will do.
I need the power to stop doing things I know are bad or wrong for myself and also to others around me.
I need strength to act in a new way to things, people, my family, kid, friends..everyone who mean something to me.
I need to find a way to deal with my past - the bad and hurtful things that have happened to me, and the things I realise now I did wrong, that have hurt me or others, the things I said and much more. And most important, get rid of the memories which refuse to leave me and haunt me day and night.
I need real and perfect answers to the purpose of life - why I am here, and what is my life for and where is life taking me?
I need something that can fill in that empty space in my life that nothing else has filled and is still a vacuum.
I need true friends and their company - trustworthy relationship(s), so that I am never alone in whichever phase of life I am.
I need a way of weighing my options and taking important life decisions without making a mistake.
I need to take away the fears and worries in me - fear of the past, the future, bad luck, ancestors, spirits, death - all those things I try to forget and so do all.
Looks like we all feel that there is a space inside us which we think we can try to fill with many things. We try money, ambition, sex, drugs, sport, hobby, family, fun, alcohol and even following a religion can fill that space, but somehow these things do not actually in anyway give us the answers we are searching for.
I am again standing at the crossroad of finding the answers to my very own - 'BIG Needs and EMPTY Feelings'...
Thursday, June 25, 2009
This came to me when I think really needed it. God sure has a plan for me. One day I will have to tell this to my daughter also. So saving this for telling her one day. Touching and true..
I am fading and reappearing all the time, confusion is what I feel. I believe it's the change of season or the air around me.
I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky, I think about it every night and day, Spread my wings and fly away from here.. :))
Funny but true, memories are what warm you up from the inside. But they’re also what tear you apart. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall. This is where I have to think and think..
Lately I have been having this strange feeling that I am not myself anymore. It's hard to put into words or explain why or how, but I think it's like I was in deep sleep, and someone came, picked me up, put me in a jar and shook me hard, and hurriedly put me back together again. Strange but Ehhh...
I don't know how many of is have that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean so much to so many people and to prove the theory that such a thing is still possible, say miracles theory? I want to believe that but.... lets see..
Coming to missing someone.. It isn’t about how long it has been since you have seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you’re doing something and you wish that they were right there with you. And how many of us have such moments everyday? Isn't a typical feeling to go through?
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My heart is sort of crying alone, and I can't tell any of you why. The reason.. :(( I sit alone, tears are uncontrollable. It's uncontrollable and it's been pent up for too damn long. I can barely see what lies ahead. I'm not allowed to say 'why' because I don't know who's reading this now and I don't want anyone to understand either. I'm not ok to talk to any of you because I've been hiding for too damn long already. It's too late to start now and explain why and how and so many other questions I will be shot with.. I can't talk to my family about my friends. I can't talk to my friends about my family. I can't talk to you about it either. I have no one to turn to, to express what I have been holding a little too long now and I really don't know what else to do because all I want is that this just fades away, away from my mind and thoughts. Can't continue this anymore, this facade that shows that I'm well and capable and fine? It's all a lie. It's all lies. I'm falling apart and I can't tell or show any of you the real picture. I want to go away, away from all this and much more. But I don't know where. I want to just go on with my life. But I can't seem to do that. Something's always wrong. Something's always going on without my control. I can't sit and concentrate. Not anymore. I cry myself to sleep. But none of you know. I confess I'm not perfect and I'm trying my best to keep it all together. I will probably regret writing this because I don't want any of you to know. But I have nowhere else to turn. What should I do now?
I don't need fake smiles. I don't need half-assed sympathy one liners. If you can't help me, don't give me false hope. If you couldn't care less, just say so. I made a mistake breaking that wall around my heart. Now I think I'm going to have to build it up again. its easier to say.....
I lay alone awake at night, Sorrow fills my eyes
But I'm not strong enough to cry.
Despite of my disguise, I'm left with no shoulder.
But everybody wants to lean on me. I guess I'm their soldier. Well, who's gonna be mine??
Who's there to save the hero, When she's left all alone, And shes crying out for help?
Who's there to save the hero, Who's there to save the girl, After she saves the world?
I bottle all my hurt inside, I guess I'm living a lie. Inside my mind each day I die.
What can bring me back to life?
A simple word, a gesture,Someone to say you're beautiful,
Come find this buried treasure, Rainbows lead to a pot of gold.
Who's there to save the hero, When shes left all alone, And shes crying out for help?
Who's there to save the hero, Who's there to save the girl, After she saves the world?
I've given too much of myself, And now its driving me crazy
I'm crying out for help? Sometimes I wish someone would just come here and save me....
Save me from myself...............
PS: These are not my words, but words which speak exactly what I feel right now and want to express.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Dear God...Give me more strength...Make me stronger to face my troubles...I don't ask for gold...I don't ask for treasures...I just need happiness...I just need love...
I seek u o' Lord...With a broken heart...I seek u o' Lord...With a teary eyes...
I seek u o' Lord...When the sun is shining...I seek u o' Lord...When the path is clear...
In Your Mighty name I pray .............amen..........
Sunday, June 21, 2009
This post is from within me. A heartfelt dedication to one such person whom I have been missing right from last evening. I mean every word of it and I know the one who needs to know will know and understand and and and... :(
The 3 thoughts which has been ruling my head since morning are exactly what these quotes convey...
1. " There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. "
2. " The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."
3. " Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships. If not many at least one for existence."
1. " There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real. "
2. " The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them."
3. " Intimate relationships cannot substitute for a life plan. But to have any meaning or viability at all, a life plan must include intimate relationships. If not many at least one for existence."
Waiting for the 'END' .. An 'END' which is 'OK".. OK like I like it to be... Picture Perfect 'OK'...
Writing down some facts which people, friends and not friends keep telling me...its easier to say.....
People say it is easy. NO its not. What is so easy?
People say that I don't have to be worried about things. BUT yes, I am worried about all of it. Any way out?
People say that there will be time, time for everything. YES, Maybe... when I really don't want the time.
People say it is normal. AFTER what I've gone through is it so NORMAL?
People say that it is all about EXPERIENCE. Oh yeah lots of it just that its all AFTER the bad ones...? Good ones become what?? Story or learnings or earnings or yearnings....
People say that SOMETHING are better left alone. BUT if you know MOST of it doesn't it hurt. Nothing can ever be left alone, no matter how much you try, its always there like a big question waiting for the BIGGER answers.
People say to take it EASY. Again EASY.. NO, love is serious. LOVE is everything to me. SO tell me which part is easy? Love to me or Love in itself. Both seems to be so much mixed up.
AT the end of the day, I am the one here, here to face it and living with all of it it. DO other people THINK of how I FEEL? Can they actually feel all of it.. OK..to be fair at least a part of all of it??
I don't want it to be easy, I can take it tough, difficult and even rough. I am a big girl and big girls are not supposed to cry or break down but because it all sometimes indirectly is so hard and painful that I break down and get lost.
I don't want be worried about anything. I want to be at peace, peace with myself and with the surroundings, things, people and anything worth mentioning, so someone tell me or show me the way.
I don't want little time with 'You' - I want 'YOU' all to myself. Am I selfish? I don't mind being branded like that if its for 'You'. I will consider it as an 'honour'.
I don't want it to be normal, because I know I am NOT. But so are all others. Show me one Normal person!
I don't want to learn from experience, had enough of it and now all of that has become dark spots in my memory book. I wish I could erase them off. Start fresh page.
The truth is I don't want to know MOST of everything. I just want to know a little, a little of truth and a little of fact and a little of everything which just makes me feel light and takes me through each day without all the worry and pain and hurt and much more. Right now all the everything that I know, All of what I can tell myself they are all 'not truths' yet they are not lies. There lies the difference. Two wrongs becoming right. Weird and absurd but true in itself.
I don't want to take anything easy anymore because when I take it easy I feel I don't care anymore.
People say that I don't have to be worried about things. BUT yes, I am worried about all of it. Any way out?
People say that there will be time, time for everything. YES, Maybe... when I really don't want the time.
People say it is normal. AFTER what I've gone through is it so NORMAL?
People say that it is all about EXPERIENCE. Oh yeah lots of it just that its all AFTER the bad ones...? Good ones become what?? Story or learnings or earnings or yearnings....
People say that SOMETHING are better left alone. BUT if you know MOST of it doesn't it hurt. Nothing can ever be left alone, no matter how much you try, its always there like a big question waiting for the BIGGER answers.
People say to take it EASY. Again EASY.. NO, love is serious. LOVE is everything to me. SO tell me which part is easy? Love to me or Love in itself. Both seems to be so much mixed up.
AT the end of the day, I am the one here, here to face it and living with all of it it. DO other people THINK of how I FEEL? Can they actually feel all of it.. OK..to be fair at least a part of all of it??
I don't want it to be easy, I can take it tough, difficult and even rough. I am a big girl and big girls are not supposed to cry or break down but because it all sometimes indirectly is so hard and painful that I break down and get lost.
I don't want be worried about anything. I want to be at peace, peace with myself and with the surroundings, things, people and anything worth mentioning, so someone tell me or show me the way.
I don't want little time with 'You' - I want 'YOU' all to myself. Am I selfish? I don't mind being branded like that if its for 'You'. I will consider it as an 'honour'.
I don't want it to be normal, because I know I am NOT. But so are all others. Show me one Normal person!
I don't want to learn from experience, had enough of it and now all of that has become dark spots in my memory book. I wish I could erase them off. Start fresh page.
The truth is I don't want to know MOST of everything. I just want to know a little, a little of truth and a little of fact and a little of everything which just makes me feel light and takes me through each day without all the worry and pain and hurt and much more. Right now all the everything that I know, All of what I can tell myself they are all 'not truths' yet they are not lies. There lies the difference. Two wrongs becoming right. Weird and absurd but true in itself.
I don't want to take anything easy anymore because when I take it easy I feel I don't care anymore.
" Along the Road
I walked a mile with Pleasure
She chattered all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.
I walked a mile with Sorrow
And never a word said she;
But oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me. "
Had to write...feel forced to just say it. Tried not to but have to pour it out. I know few people have started understanding what is that drives me to write here. And what is that which makes me feel what I actually feel. Today am not sad or upset about anything. But today I felt that I had to share that I feel happy. Yes I do have the pain which always follows me as if I am some place where they finally settle at the end of the day. But its OK, I actually feel its bearable and not all so bad. I just need to hold on may be a little longer than I actually think I can. Hope is what drives life and its phases.. so may be this is just another phase. I told someone today, that 'Life is full of surprises' and I actually meant it. It sure is full of surprises sometimes more than each of us can handle but have we ever realised we actually come out of all the trials and struggles and then finally say, it was an experience of a life time. Isn't that a way to sort of pacifying ourselves that its OK and not after all so bad. Well am not sure. Sort of lost here and find difficult to actually go on. On my toughest days and the worse of days I have actually had a one way conversation with God and 9 out of 10 times I actually have ended up finding an answers to why and how and all sorts of things. But then today am sort of glad, cant say happily jumping about but yes glad about something but today I again tried making that one-way communication with the power surrounding me, and I just could not make the connection to find the answers I was looking for. Is it that there are no answers or is it that I don't need to know.. what is the message I need to interpret? I truly don't know ! Its late and need to get some sleep, had a happening day.. not actually happening but a Good day I can say. But then, there is lots and lots... lots and lots of "Unsaid and Unknown"...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Each of the picture above says some of the facts and truth which I want to just follow but its easier said than done... Wish One Day I Could.. Soon :)Wednesday, June 17, 2009
This blog entry is dedicated to people who are away from each other and yet share a special kind of feeling or connection by sharing and caring. Its not really necessary that "out of sight, out of mind" stands true always. By my own limited experience, I feel the fondness for someone just grows if we just keep sharing in spite of all the barriers of distance, time and circumstances. I am not sure how true is this but to me, sharing means caring. Like I read somewhere, the most important gift we can give someone is our time, because that's something so precious and we can never take it back or get it back. So, to all my friends, loved ones and even people am not very fond of, what I offer is my time to hear them, help them and be there when they feel there is no one or nowhere to turn to.
I was thinking on the lines, that why is that we don't share what we truly feel. Why is that we feel our self holding back what exactly flies through our minds. What is that which keeps us from being blunt and open about things in and around us. I think its the fear to be judged and left alone. Its the fear to be looked upon as alien with wild thoughts and weird imagination. But don't we all want to speak up what we really want to, with no editing and corrections, no matter what the subject is. Don't we all want to be simply ourselves without trying to hide from some unknown shadow surrounding and following us. A fear within us, which makes us elusive and rethink of how and what we feel is to be said or left unsaid. In the journey of life, we sometimes come across people with whom we just feel open and connected, someone with whom we can just be what we actually are, weird, funny, angry, stupid, foolish..whatever but just being our self. And the joy of just being free from the 'Shadow' gives so much happiness and the freedom which we feel within is something to be felt and not written down in words. For those who have been lucky, I just joined your club and for those who are still on the search, I am waiting for you to join this club. :)
I personally feel, each of us are actually searching for such souls, consciously or unconsciously. I have experienced the joy of being myself without any inhibitions of being judged or ridiculed or being called weird. And I feel 'Free..' in all sense, free of all unwanted shadows. Trust me,...I feel great... and what adds is the joy that I am someone with whom someone else can be and feel free too.. That's a real bonus and to me it means.. 'I have accomplished something.. Its priceless and forever a precious thing deep in me... '
Good day to anyone who read this.. This time for a change, I wont say this post of mine is stupid and foolish.. There is truly a deep meaning and hidden message coded here for those who could read between the lines... for those who fail to get the message, its ok'.. SUMO - that's just another coded message saying ' Shut Up and Move On :))
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Much to say, Much to write.... This writting is pending, Will continue when the same mood passes by again..
Friday, June 12, 2009
This entry is a beginning of a journey, a journey towards discovering who I am and what is my destination. And, even before I begin to pen down anything, a heartfelt 'thanks' to the one who inspired me to think on those lines. And I think, the very thought has started well and does makes me feel good. Read on to know why and how.. :)
I have heard many people saying, true happiness is when you start loving yourself. And never did I realise the depth of this statement until the last 2 days. We all always think on the flaws we have, physically, mentally, things around us and most importantly within us. But do we really give enough thoughts on how good we are or what are the better half of things in us. I think its those who have started thinking on that are those who start falling in love with themselves and start realising how valuable they are. Well, I am late in that journey towards discovering the good things in me, but am glad and truly happy that I have at least started. And, the statement is well said " The one who learns to love oneself is someone who is truly at peace. "
To start the very long journey towards discovery of myself I began with thinking what is that unique thing which makes me different from the others around me. There are many, but to me the most important one is that I support, I stand by people, friends and not-friends also in their worst of the times. I don't really know where and how did I learn this but I think it just came somehow and I think that's really what makes me unique and different. There is one lady whom I really admire, Oprah Winfrey. One of her statements, " Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. ". Thinking about this, isn't it really true? When things are well, we all get to see a crowd around us but when things start falling apart, its those who still stick around are the real gems we are gifted with. I think people who know me see me as one such gem they are gifted with. I wish I had more such gems in my life too.
Not a big post today, a long day to go and lots to do, ending with a positive note, the journey to self discovery has well begun and I hope reaching the destination will be a celebration within me, one which no one but myself can sing, dance and be merry !!
Monday, June 08, 2009
Has it ever occurred to me, why I write? I write – why? It keeps all the loneliness in me from killing me. I am hoping that I can kill the loneliness before it kills me. All I can do is hope, hope and ...and write.
It's amazing how I can be surrounded by family, people I love, close friends, people I am truly invested in, both in thoughts and around me and still feel this biting, stinging loneliness.
Nothing I do, say or whatever happening keeps the loneliness at bay. No matter what I know it's always there, like the air, surrounding me, waiting for the silence to fall so it can grasp my beating heart and squeeze it blood-dry. Why is this feeling so deadly scaring and yet keeping me alive to give me a totally new experience each time they come to me.
And the more I remove myself from a situation, the further I get away from it, they still follow me, haunt me with their unique ways. I always thought that it's so easy to forget the little details but they just wont leave me, they stay and cloud my memory. Wish it rains, and clears this clouds. I cry, thinking that these clouds will be cleared, guess the clouds hold a lot of water which wont get over anytime in near future. There are certain situations, intense, dramatic, intensely subtle, dramatically instantaneous, that don't fade, no matter how hard I wish they would. How much more can I hold, keep deep within and yet live with it all everyday. I wish I could just drop down all the luggage am carrying and relax a while.
I am forgetting the things I want to, I must remember and remember the things I want to, I must forget. Oh Life ! let me out of this trap please. I need a life.. a better one than this. I for sure deserve something better than this. And it's in this paradox, this cliche, that I am trapped.
Trapped willingly or unwillingly? That's the real question. Am I willing myself to remember and live the rough, the bad, the painful, the sad, or is it really out of my control, this randomly selective memory of mine? This experience which life is giving me, is it a gift or a punishment?
Closing on a positive note, being sort of an optimist about things, I conclude this way. In the entire process I just realized that whatever life gives me, I am stuck with it. I really might not like the situation, but I do have a certain amount of power somewhere within me so that I can live life to make it the fullest, richest existence possible, imperfections and all. Most importantly, I realized that my weaknesses or apparent shortcomings are sometimes the things that distinguish me, comprise my unique personality, essentially becoming my strengths. A person who is very stubborn or hard-nosed can turn his or her stubbornness into initiative, drive, and powerful focus. A person who feels the need to please everyone can turn his or her inability to say no into balanced kindness and compassion. I don't know if I’m making any sense to the one reading this, but to me, I feel deep inside like this and this is completely true. I have to tell myself this a lot lately. I have to tell myself that I can't transform who I am, but I can make things better, beginning with accepting myself and turning my weaknesses into my strengths. I think that if I tell myself this enough, I might begin to start believing it. Do I believe in anything? Good Day and hoping to have a pleasant week at work and more importantly, mentally !
It's amazing how I can be surrounded by family, people I love, close friends, people I am truly invested in, both in thoughts and around me and still feel this biting, stinging loneliness.
Nothing I do, say or whatever happening keeps the loneliness at bay. No matter what I know it's always there, like the air, surrounding me, waiting for the silence to fall so it can grasp my beating heart and squeeze it blood-dry. Why is this feeling so deadly scaring and yet keeping me alive to give me a totally new experience each time they come to me.
And the more I remove myself from a situation, the further I get away from it, they still follow me, haunt me with their unique ways. I always thought that it's so easy to forget the little details but they just wont leave me, they stay and cloud my memory. Wish it rains, and clears this clouds. I cry, thinking that these clouds will be cleared, guess the clouds hold a lot of water which wont get over anytime in near future. There are certain situations, intense, dramatic, intensely subtle, dramatically instantaneous, that don't fade, no matter how hard I wish they would. How much more can I hold, keep deep within and yet live with it all everyday. I wish I could just drop down all the luggage am carrying and relax a while.
I am forgetting the things I want to, I must remember and remember the things I want to, I must forget. Oh Life ! let me out of this trap please. I need a life.. a better one than this. I for sure deserve something better than this. And it's in this paradox, this cliche, that I am trapped.
Trapped willingly or unwillingly? That's the real question. Am I willing myself to remember and live the rough, the bad, the painful, the sad, or is it really out of my control, this randomly selective memory of mine? This experience which life is giving me, is it a gift or a punishment?
Closing on a positive note, being sort of an optimist about things, I conclude this way. In the entire process I just realized that whatever life gives me, I am stuck with it. I really might not like the situation, but I do have a certain amount of power somewhere within me so that I can live life to make it the fullest, richest existence possible, imperfections and all. Most importantly, I realized that my weaknesses or apparent shortcomings are sometimes the things that distinguish me, comprise my unique personality, essentially becoming my strengths. A person who is very stubborn or hard-nosed can turn his or her stubbornness into initiative, drive, and powerful focus. A person who feels the need to please everyone can turn his or her inability to say no into balanced kindness and compassion. I don't know if I’m making any sense to the one reading this, but to me, I feel deep inside like this and this is completely true. I have to tell myself this a lot lately. I have to tell myself that I can't transform who I am, but I can make things better, beginning with accepting myself and turning my weaknesses into my strengths. I think that if I tell myself this enough, I might begin to start believing it. Do I believe in anything? Good Day and hoping to have a pleasant week at work and more importantly, mentally !
Friday, June 05, 2009
The moment's have passed by. I feel ready to pour it out to someone, let down my walls which jails me in these repetitive thoughts..but come morning, the feeling fades. At least I think they have.. and the feeling is good. :) things are achingly clear in the daylight. I think that's why the sunlight is considered to clear. I think it clears the clouds of the night gets the thoughts clearly refined.hmmm...
It's hard, trying to live in the moment, in the moments where I am completely present and mindful of every breath I am taking. I wish I could just continue living in my dreams where everything is so perfect, falling in place without any trouble, no conscious effort. Its as if we get lucky in our dreams. Oh how I love my dream world. This profound moment, the yearning I had, to tell someone everything, tell someone why I am the way that I am, tell that 'someone' my deepest fears and insecurities, tell my story, this moment passed, silently, slipped away from my hands and I can't get it back. I am again there where I was, back to the beginning of the whole game. Yet, there is some sort of hope that I will meet the glorious end, winning against all odds. For now I'll just have to wait and see if it comes back. If it does, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, God forbid, I will still be okay. Saddened, yes, but still, I'll be okay. Its as if I am testing the someone's ways, yet I wish I could manipulate the ways, leading to the results I expect. I am utterly crazy and so will anyone who reads it agree.
All I am trying is not to live in the black and white, but it's so hard to reach the light.. Light that the Sun Brings everyday. I just wish I be colored anything other than blue and sad. How true is this thought, - "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves."
I think love I get and give is enough. Love is enough to get me through this and more. I have love to give. My heart is bursting with love, bursting to the point of breaking with all that brings pain and yet I say its nothing but love in some form or the other which is breaking my heart. With love comes indomitable power. With love comes unbearable pain. But most importantly, with love comes the possibility for infinite happiness. I'm playing with fire, walking a thin line between life and death, and I don't know how to stop myself. Free falling, head first, desperately hoping to land in one piece. Hoping for the hopeless in a way, yet cant stop hoping. Life hangs on hope. Doesn't it for all of us?
I think love I get and give is enough. Love is enough to get me through this and more. I have love to give. My heart is bursting with love, bursting to the point of breaking with all that brings pain and yet I say its nothing but love in some form or the other which is breaking my heart. With love comes indomitable power. With love comes unbearable pain. But most importantly, with love comes the possibility for infinite happiness. I'm playing with fire, walking a thin line between life and death, and I don't know how to stop myself. Free falling, head first, desperately hoping to land in one piece. Hoping for the hopeless in a way, yet cant stop hoping. Life hangs on hope. Doesn't it for all of us?
Beauty in any form has its ways to break the heart, but it also has the power to heal all the pain, the strange, contradictory power to break your spirit and then put it back together when you're not expecting it at all, when you need it most. And its actually a complete range of things that I am feeling now .. a total wide variety of them... And I am back with the old thoughts..which I thought had passed... :(
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
"All good things are wild, and free." - said someone. Guess its true to quite an extent.
"Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot" - said another someone and that's what I followed. Yet to find out if it was right or 'not' right. All I know is it was 'not wrong' :)) Confused? So am I..he he.
If love was ever enough, if love is ever enough, if love will ever be enough... we all could have been so happy. I think love is like money, we never get enough of both of it. I hope some day I would get enough. I really do. I think love is something which is enough to make the night pass, enough to make the morning come, enough to get me through the day and yeah the lonely moments, moments alone brooding and fighting my thoughts.
Here's to love - You are like a precious star... Distant yet dear...
Monday, June 01, 2009
I feel a feel , a funny feel , a funny feel I feel, if you feel the feel I feel, is the feel you feel is what I feel?
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