2 days ago
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My heart is sort of crying alone, and I can't tell any of you why. The reason.. :(( I sit alone, tears are uncontrollable. It's uncontrollable and it's been pent up for too damn long. I can barely see what lies ahead. I'm not allowed to say 'why' because I don't know who's reading this now and I don't want anyone to understand either. I'm not ok to talk to any of you because I've been hiding for too damn long already. It's too late to start now and explain why and how and so many other questions I will be shot with.. I can't talk to my family about my friends. I can't talk to my friends about my family. I can't talk to you about it either. I have no one to turn to, to express what I have been holding a little too long now and I really don't know what else to do because all I want is that this just fades away, away from my mind and thoughts. Can't continue this anymore, this facade that shows that I'm well and capable and fine? It's all a lie. It's all lies. I'm falling apart and I can't tell or show any of you the real picture. I want to go away, away from all this and much more. But I don't know where. I want to just go on with my life. But I can't seem to do that. Something's always wrong. Something's always going on without my control. I can't sit and concentrate. Not anymore. I cry myself to sleep. But none of you know. I confess I'm not perfect and I'm trying my best to keep it all together. I will probably regret writing this because I don't want any of you to know. But I have nowhere else to turn. What should I do now?
I don't need fake smiles. I don't need half-assed sympathy one liners. If you can't help me, don't give me false hope. If you couldn't care less, just say so. I made a mistake breaking that wall around my heart. Now I think I'm going to have to build it up again. its easier to say.....
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